#2289
[OOC] Great. Just great.
Date: 06/28/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Great!>>>>
First Pauly Shore, then Bob Villa, then Carrot Top, then Bono, and now Harvey Corman (well, doing Gazoo's voice, anyway)? Do you realize how much of our budget's getting eaten up with celebrity guest appearances? And only two out of the five were worth having in the RP! We need to increase our cash flow.
Hmmmmm....
[A lightbulb appears over PM's head with a "Ping!" sound. PM looks up and sees the lightbulb.]
Oh, *that's* where I put that. Say, I know what we can do to get more money! [He runs off-camera.]
[Ten minutes later...]
[Announcer] Welcome to the first-ever Fifteenth Annual TFtD Pledge Drive Telethon!
[The usual telethon-type music starts playing, and the lights come up, showing PM standing next to Mrs. Mo. He's wearing a really snazzy suit, and she's wearing a stunning black sequinned dress. With big smiles, they turn to the camera.
[PM] Welcome to the first-ever Fifteenth Annual TFtD Pledge Drive Telethon! I'm your host, Pharaoh Mobius, and my lovely, charming co-host is my wife, Nefertiti!
[Mrs. Mo] Thanks, dear. It's great to be here.
[PM] You know, dear, a lot of people think that because we seperated in the RP, that we're seperated in real life.
[Mrs. Mo] Oh, that's silly! Nothing could be further from the truth! We couldn't be a happier couple! We go great together!
[PM] Like scotch and Coke!
[Mrs. Mobius] Like peanut butter and jelly!
[PM] Like peas and carrots!
[Mrs. Mo shoots PM a *look*.] Sutenhotep, darling, you know I *hate* that movie.
[PM] Come on, dear, Forrest Gump may not be a great movie, per se, but it's not terrible.
[Mrs. Mo] No, it's intolerable. I refuse to be associated with it. What an awful association!
[PM, getting agitated.] Oh, but peanut butter and jelly's a good one, huh? I guess it *is* an apt description, now that I think of it: two sticky substances smothering one another, trapped between two pieces of cold, unforgiving bread...
[Mrs. Mo makes a fist at PM.] Oh, that does it!
[PM] Bring it on, toots!
[Suddenly, they remember that they're on camera. With too-big smiles, they quickly turn back to it.]
[PM] Ahahaha! See what kind of a professional I'm working with? Able to ad-lib a scene on the spot like that! Darling, you're wonderful!
[Mrs. Mo] Ahahaha, oh stop it, you. *You're* the wonderful one! [Under her breath] Jerk.
[PM, under his breath.] Bitch.
[Mrs. Mo, still under her breath] Bastard. [Now speaking aloud, to camera.] So start calling, folks! Or we won't be able to keep bringing you such quality entertainment! If you make a minimum donation of $35, you'll get this lovely TFtD tote bag!
[PM] And at the $50 level, you get this limited edition Lita! coffee mug, as seen in the "if Lita had never become Queen Bitch" story arc!
[Mrs. Mo] And at the $75 level, you get this official U2 stuffed lemon! Thanks for donating those, Bono!
[PM] So call in now! We now return you to the RP, already in progress.
[Mrs. Mo, under her breath.] My agent is *so* fired for getting me into this.
TmPM
AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! We have pledge-break sign!
Sarcophagus!
#2290
Behind the scenes of the pledge drive...
Date: 06/28/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
In the tote bag room...
STG: Why can't I be on stage?
Rex: Because you get terrible stage fright.
STG: Oh yeah, well I wouldn't if I just had a small part, not some big monologue! I just want my piece! My share! I don't want to be stuck in this closet all day making crappy tote bags!
PM: (sticks his head in) Hey, shut up! We're filming in the other room! *sigh* Now I gotta get back to the dumb bitch... Oh honey, I didn't see you there behind me... (closes the door, fighting can be heard)
Squecky: Calm down, Servo. You'll get us fired again.
STG: Yeah, well that Home Depot guy wouldn't let me play with the power washers. He had it coming!
Rex: I don't get it! Nothing we ever do requires guest stars... or at least good ones. How come we have to work to pay for it!!!
STG: You're right! Come on Squecky, Rex, we're outta here!
(Walk out and are confronted by Mickey)
MTG: Hey, you! Where's my coffee latte frapacrapachino thingamajig! I asked for it an hour ago!
STG: Grrr... Yeah I'll get it.
(STG walks off)
STG: Hee hee, I'm not gonna get it! Burned him good! YES!!! Taking a stand agaisnt the man!
(Then they're confronted by Lita, and she has the Queen Bitch crown on, amplifying her bitch powers)
Lita: SERVO!
STG: (shrill feminine scream)
Lita: Why aren't you making tote bags!
STG: I was just... um... ya see...
Lita: SPIT IT OUT!
STG: AAAAAA! I was just going to the bathroom!
Lita: NO BATHROOMS! You can go in your pants!
STG: I think I just did...
Lita: Good, NOW GET BACK TO WORK!!!
(STG scurries back into the closet)
STG: Don't worry, I'll make them of the crappiest tote bag quality that everyone will expect!
(Lita looks at Rex and Squecky)
Lita: What are YOU TWO WAITING FOR!!!
Rex & Squecky: Nothing... (run to the closet)
(And so STG had to make tote bags 3 days straight. And that's how STG saved Christmas)
ServoTheGreat
SHAZAM!
#2291
<All of a sudden...>
Date: 06/28/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<Lita throws 2780's milkshake in PM's face. Nobody is quite sure what caused this sudden outburst. Perhaps it's because she feels he's not doing enough to help her with her problem with 3000. Perhaps she's angry at men in general, and PM's the only man around (except for Rick whom Lita would not lash out at because he supplies her with booze). Perhaps, seeing as how she's been here at MSTBlanca drinking steadily for hours, she's just very, very drunk. But she did it anyway. PM spits and sputters and looks quite ridiculous.>
PM: Gah! What the hell??
<Suddenly, little lines appear through the shot. It rewinds a bit. There is a pause, then Lita throws the milkshake again. And then it happens again. The camera zooms out, revealing the monitor that has just shown us this scene, and Mrs. Mo standing cheerfully next to it.>
Mrs. Mo: Ahhh, I could just watch that scene over and over again! And it's your donations that make quality entertainment like this possible!
<Mrs. Mo messes with the remote and PM gets milkshake in his face a few more times.>
Mrs. Mo: The suspense is killing me! Will the evil Carmelita3000 succeed in her evil plot to steal Lita's identity? Will Lita sober up enough to notice? Will 2780 cry about losing her milkshake? Will Pharaoh Mobius ever get the chocolate stains out of his hat? Will the rp's writers ever pay attention to the flood of angry hate mail from the viewers and kill that stupid duck? You can find out the answers to these questions and more when you send us enough money that we feel like returning to our regularly scheduled program. But first, why don't you give a warm round of applause for our next act?
<A curtain to Mrs. Mo's right rises. Behind it stand about a dozen Lita Clones, all dressed in red and white striped dresses. They look like candy canes. Carmelita9000 stands in front of them, wearing a not entirely fashionable bikini with feathers. She's wearing her Bitch Crown. Apparently 3000 lent it back to her for just for the telethon. Carmelita9000 and her clones dance around to a tune that can only be described as Silent Night to a Reggae beat. Meanwhile, backstage...>
PM: Boy, that's... Boy am I glad we scheduled *this* act...
42: What's that supposed to mean?
PM: Nothing!
42: Is there something wrong with the dance number?
PM: No, no! It's fine! It's just... They're timing's a little off, isn't it? I mean, aren't they just a bit out of synch with each other?
42: Now look here! It's not their fault! If you'd given us a little more of a warning about the telethon, maybe we could have done something better, but we only found out about this thing like three hours ago, and that's how long we had to find music, choreograph a dance number, make costumes, and practice! If it sucks, I'd say it's your fault!!
PM: Fine! Fine!! I'm sorry!! (Women!)
42: Hmph.
PM: Why aren't you dancing, anyway?
42: I'm the choreographer! Do I have to do everything?
EM: She means she doesn't have the gift of dance. You know what they say, "Those that can't do--" OW!!
42: Yeah, you better shut up or I'll hit you again.
PM: So you... wrote this?
42: Yeah...
PM: What the hell's the deal wit-- <He catches 42's glare> Er, I mean... Explain this masterpiece to me, if you will. I don't think my non-artistic mind is grasping it.
42: *cheerfully* Oh, ok! It's an allegory, see, of how the true Meaning of Christmas (as represented by the tune Silent Night) is drowned out by all the glitzyness of our modern Christmas traditions (as represented by the reggae beat, and the Litas dressed as candy canes).
PM: What does that feathery thing Lita9000 is wearing symbolize?
42: That the young males in the audience want to see some skin.
PM: Ah. I see.
EM: Dude. This is taking forever.
42: <Looking at the clock> No... They're right on schedule...
EM: No they're not! I've seen a lot of these things, and I know they should be down to their bras and panties by now!
42: Evil Mike, this isn't a striptease...
EM: It's not?
42: No.
EM: They're not taking their clothes off?
42: No.
EM: Ok... This dance number is lame-ASS!!
42: Is not!
EM: Pharaoh Manboobs, this is the stupidest telethon I've ever seen. No wonder we're broke.
PM: Hey!
<Evil Mike storms away as the Litas wrap up their routine.>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2292
<GROPE is still at a gas station>
Date: 07/01/2002
From: Tork_110
Well, it is.
---------------------------------
<But something is wrong during roll call.>
Rimmi: Tork?
EM: Not here!
<GROPE giggles, until they realize that EM is right.>
Rimmi: Where is Tork?
EM: Isn't that him?
Guy: Hi! My girlfriend got a new swimsuit.
Rimmi: Yuck. If that was Tork, we would require him to keep his helmet down at all times.
EM: And why aren't we doing that?
Mickey: Quiet!......please?
<EM punches Mickey. It's an ok punch, but not one of his best. OW!>
Rimmi: EM, stop punching the narrator. Is CaveRimmer here?
CaveRimmer: I'm always here, but you guys never use me. (pouts)
Rimmi: Ok, fine. Go see if you can find Tork.
CaveRimmer: Ok!
<CaveRimmer runs off. A couple hours later.>
Guy: Want to see my dune buggy?
Mickey: For the last time, no!
<EM and Rimmi show up.>
Guy: Do you guys want to see my dune buggy?
EM: Oh, we saw it all right.
<They giggle. CaveRimmer finally reappears.>
Rimmi: Did you find anything?
CaveRimmer: This small animal.
<CaveRimmer shows everyone a familiar ceramic cow.>
LKF: MOO. I was this close to getting away...
CaveRimmer: I also found this.
<CaveRimmer shows everyone Tork's helmet.>
Rimmi: That's horrible!!!...Except we already know that he took it off earlier.
Mickey: Aren't we going to look for him?
Rimmi: We have to deal with Lita first. Come on.
<later>
Guy: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DUNE BUGGY?
Tork_110
trapped in rp limbo
Something happened to the dune buggy, but I'm not saying what, so there.
#2293
SciFi is showing Dr. Z?
Date: 07/01/2002
From: Tork_110
Blah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just traded for that episode a few weeks ago.
You know who I blame? Lita42. Why? I don't know, but for some reason my character hates her. I wish I could figure out why I hate her so I can stop being mean to her.
#2294
<3000 has been doing some baking>
Date: 07/01/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<Most of GROPE has left! This annoying turn of events has convinced Carmelita3000 that she has been on entirely the wrong track. If she's going to steal Lita's identity, she's going to have to do that dumb annoying thing Lita does where she's nice to people and stuff... but 3000 is going to do it the 3000 way. 3000 watches her Vampire-Based Programming too. She's taken a page from Ted the Robot's School of Evilry, and put some tranquilizers into the cookies she's baking. They'll make the people who eat them calm, and happy, and docile.>
3000: Being evil rocks!!11!
STG: <tied to a nearby chair> What did you just say?
3000: Shut up!
STG: Ok. It's not like I *care* what you said anyway...
3000: <taking some freshly baked cookies out of the oven> Have a cookie.
STG: Actually, those look a bit hot. I'd rather wait until they cool down if you don't m-- <3000 shoves a cookie into his mouth> MMPH!!1 OW!!1! Hot!! Hot!! Burn!! H-- heeyyyyyy.... These are pretty good... Lita, did anybody ever tell you you're a great cook? You're so cool...
3000: It works!!
STG: What works?
3000: Shut up!
STG: Whatever you say... Those cookies are the *best*!!
***
<The non-missing GROPE members are lurking around near the entrance to GROPE HQ. Yeah, they *were* at the gas station, but then Evil Mike finished getting himself a Slushee, and now they're back and working on what to do about Lita. Just then, the entrance opens and 3000 peeks out.>
3000: Hi, guys!
GROPE: AHHHH!!1!!
3000: No! Don't be scared! I just wanted to say I'm *very sorry* about how I was acting and stuff the last few days--
Rimmi: You're still wearing your Bitch Crown--
3000: Maybe because I like it. Is that all right with you, you stupid bossy-- er... It's sparkly. I like to look at sparkly things.
Rimmi: Ok...
3000: Anyway, I'm sorry about the extra bitchiness. I was... er... "wearing my Prettiest Dress..." if you know what I mean...
Mickey: I have no idea what you mean.
Rimmi: Well, Mickey, she's refering to the time in every woman's life when... *whisper* *whisper* *whisper*
Mickey: Huh?
Rimmi: You see, when a girl turns about 13 or so, she starts to go through some... changes. And one of them is that *whisper* *whisper* *whisper*
Mickey: Really?
Rimmi: Yeah.
Mickey: Eww... Geez, Lita! You didn't have to tell us that!1!
3000: I'm sorry. Now that I think about it, it *was* none of your business. But I can make it up to you! Look, I baked some cookies. Why don't you have some? They're good! <she holds out a plate>
Rimmi: Ok, huddle!
<GROPE puts their heads together. There is a long discussion about whether Lita, as odd as she's been acting, can be trusted with her cookies. Mickey is punched several times. Finally...>
Rimmi: We're gonna have to turn you down.
3000: What? Why?
EM: You're a lousy cook.
3000: Am not!!
Mickey: Screw this! I want some damn cookies!
Evil Mike: No you don't, Dumbass!
Mickey: I know you are, but what am-- OOF!!1!
<Mickey gets up from the ground, dodges more punches from Evil Mike, and heads over to 3000. He takes a cookie, chews it thoughtfully, and smiles.>
Mickey: Gee! These are good!
3000: I know. I told you that already.
Mickey: You're a great cook! These are the best cookies I've ever had!
3000: I know. Now, if you'll just take the plate of cookies over to the others so they can-- hey... Mickey... Save some for your friends...
Mickey: <talking with his mouth full> Fkroo phem!1 Fhad vhey effa dow fo me, odda phen puch me??
3000: I have no idea what you're saying-- Oh, great. You ate all the cookies.
Mickey: *swallow* And they're really good too! You're the bestest, Lita! I love you!!! Can you make some more???
3000: I guess so... I'm gonna have to, now that you've eaten all of-- ACK!
<Mickey's hugging 3000. 3000 doesn't like to be touched, let alone hugged, but she figures this hugging crap is one of those stupid things the real Lita would like, so she puts up with it. She and Mickey go back inside to make more cookies.>
EM: Is it just me, or did Soup Idiot just hug my girl?
Rimmi: He sure did.
EM: You know, Ass, if Lita can do stuff with other people, it's only fair that *I* get to--
Rimmi: No, Evil Mike. I told you. I'm *so* over you.
EM: Damn!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
#2295
Insert title here
Date: 07/01/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
This space for rent. Call now for rates!
Jimmy: OK, this is...I just...we can....er....any ideas?
Cara: Think of Christmas.
Jimmy: That's good.
Cara: Until we get back to America. Then Rimmi-wimmi can do her slashy washy!!!
Jimmy: *gulp* (High pitched voice) But I'm J *ahem* (normal voice) but I'm Jimmy Mobius! Captain of the Justice Rangers! What woman would not want me as his wife...er, his husband...*her* husband? Geez, you got me all confused.
Cara: I would answer that question if I knew what the hell you were saying.
Jimmy: Besides, romance is a trivial pursuit!
(OOC, at the telethon)
PM: Oh nice going, dumbass, a copyright! Looks like we'll need another 20 grand.
Mrs. Mo: Well, you hired him!
PM: I thought you did.
(BIC, in the middle of Jimmy's speech)
Jimmy: ......I can't devote time to a wife when crime still exists in this world! Not when fiends like my brother, Ivan the Stinky, and Martha Stewart roam the Earth!
Cara: And I whole heartedly agree with you!
Jimmy: This can not possibly stand! I say we take this to a judge! He'll tell us what to do!
(Later that day....)
Judge: The marriage stands! (bangs gavel)
Jimmy: What the...
Cara: Hell?
Judge: Awwww....they finish each other's sentences. They are the perfect couple.
Jimmy: But you can't let us stay together! I have to fight evil wherever it rears it's ugly head! To battle anyone who uses they're power to oppress the weak! And to hawk my reasonably priced breakfast cereal!
Cara: And he's not Rimmi!
Judge: I'm sorry, but the entire country of Mexico recognizes your marriage. No matter how smashed you were. You could always go to America to get a divorce. They won't recognixe it there, probably.
Jimmy: Good idea! Tha...
Judge: Those bastards! It would be just like them!
Cara: Yes, we'l....
Judge: Always picking on us! They think they're so big! Canada's on the continent too, do they eve....
Cara: OKweshouldbegoingbye!
(Jimmy and Cara leave)
(Back at the telethon)
(Ortega's answering phones)
Ortega: Errrrn?
Sister: Teggy!!!!!
Ortega: Errrn!
Brother: Give me that phone! You've already spent too much of Mom's money!
Sister: Nooooo! There's still so much left to tote!!!!!!!!!
Brother: (Grabs the phone and hangs up)
(Back at the telethon)
Mickey: *psst* Teggy! Check these out! PM says he's hard up for cash right? Check out these pictures from the last rp PM was in!
Ortega: Errrrn......
Mickey: Aha! Look at that! PM in a duel to the death with William Shatner! And what's this? Kevin Bacon?
Ortega: He's in everything...
Mickey: Here's my favorite. PM and the guy who sang "Kung Fu Fighting" falling out a window!
Ortega: Errrrn.
Mickey: From a guy. He was selling them down the street.
Ortega: Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnn! (walks away)
Mickey: Doctored? I didn't know PM was a doctor.
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Is a sucker for Lita clones.
#2296
More telethon wackiness!
Date: 07/02/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Nabut and Buffalo are sitting on the stage. Nabut is dressed rather shabbily. So is Buffalo, but this is normal for him. They are performing a scene. Let us watch, shall we?>
Nabut: Nothing to be done.
Buffalo: So what is it we're doin' hyere ahgayn?
Nabut: Er... <he's been caught a little off guard. That wasn't Buffalo's line.>
Buffalo: We're waihtin' for this Go-Dot feller?
Nabut: Ok... first of all, it's pronounced like G'dough, the t is silent, and secondly, that's not your line. You've skipped about half of the act--
Buffalo: Seems lahke this guy could sphell his naime the way he says it. So where is he?
Nabut: I don't know... Now look, could you stick to the script?
Buffalo: You don't know? Well, whain wers he a'sposed to turn up?
Nabut: <Helplessly> A few days ago?
Buffalo: What??? I don't see why we go on a-waitin' for this guy! He ain't gonna turn up, and if he did, I'd bust him in the faice!
Nabut: You would not bust him in the face!
Buffalo: Ah would too! Wher Ah come from, when a gah maikes an appoinment to meet somebahdy, he dahmn well shows up ahn tahme!!
Nabut: Look, he's not going to show up, that's the whole poin of the pla--
Buffalo: He's not showin up?? Than whay are we hyere?
Nabut: It's *art*!! It's symbolism!!
Buffalo: Ahrt? Ah bet you're one of them poiny headed intuhlectual tahps who thinks he's so smahrt becahuse lahks them dumb paintings thaht don't even look lahke anythin'! A three year old could draw theyhm! <Buffalo laughs as if this statement were not only original, but also frightfully clever>
Nabut: Now, look here--
Buffalo: Ahnd don't tell me ahbout symbohlism! Symbohlism? What's this Go-Dot feller symbohlahze?
Nabut: Now, look! I don't have to tell you that--
Buffalo: Ah bet you don't ehven know!
Nabut: I have better things to do than argue about art with a buffoon!
Buffalo: Ah aim not ah buhfoon! Now you taihke that baike!
Nabut: No! You're *ruining* the scene!!1 Now let's just do the act and please stick to the script this time--
Buffalo: Nahbut, you haive insulted me, and ah am now gunna bust *you* in the faice!
<Buffalo throws a weak punch, and misses of course. Nabut punches him in the gut, and they start fistfighting right there. Nabut, of course, is winning. Backstage, watching the action...>
PM: I knew this would happen.
Lita: <No longer in her feathery bikini> Why did Nabut even want to do this scene with Buffalo anyway?
PM: Nobody else would do it. Besides, he said Buffalo looked the part.
Lita: Hmm... Should we lower the curtain and get them off stage?
PM: Nah. This is pretty entertaining too. Nothing like gratuitious violence to boost ratings.
Lita: True.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
What? You didn't know that Nabut's Samuel Beckett fan?
Now you know.
#2297
Even more telethon wackiness
Date: 07/03/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
(Tork and Gramps appear on stage wearing baseball uniforms)
(backstage)
PM: Oh no.....
Lita: What?
PM: We're actually letting them do this bit?
Lita: It's a classic!
PM: Yeah, and it'll also wipe out every dime we made during this telethon!
Lita: We changed the words around a bit. Relax!
(onstage)
Tork: Well, Gramps, the Washington Redskins have appoined me as their next head coach.
Gramps: Then why are we wearing baseball uniforms?
Tork: It's all the budget could afford. Now stick to the script.
Gramps: OK, geez...dang blamed whippersnapper....Wait, since when is who a middle linebacker?
Tork: What?
Gramps: No, who!
Tork: I don't know.
Gramps: Says here I don't know's the long snapper.
Tork: Who?
Gramps: I don't know.
Tork: What's a long snapper?
Gramps: No, what's a tight end.
Tork: The guy who can catch the ball like a reciever and block like an offensive lineman. That's a tight end.
Gramps: That's not even on the team
Tork: Who?
Tork and Gramps (in unison): Middle Linebacker!
Gramps: Now wait just a minute, I swear I know this....Yeah! I do! I wrote this! Those fat and skinny bums stole it from me! But they were originally going to be jai alai players. But the fat one said they wouldn't get that one in the sticks. And now he's dead!! Now who's right?!
(backstage)
Lita: Maybe this wasn't a very good idea after all....
PM: Can't talk now...Do you know how to tie this?
Lita: Sure! Hey, wait a minute. Put down that noose!!!!!!
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Dawn's in trouble...must be Tuesday
#2298
Moo!!! I said Moo!!!!
Date: 07/03/2002
From: Lord_KFB_Cow
Moost3k
#2299
4 score and 7 years....
Date: 07/03/2002
From: Abe_on_a_Big_Wheel
in the not too distant future nmt
#2300
Nuveena!!!
Date: 07/03/2002
From: Tork_110
///
#2301
Hiya! :o)
Date: 07/03/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
SOUP!!!!!! n/t
#2302
For a bedroom scene with Rimmi and Cara
Date: 07/03/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
.................click here!
a little further....
warmer......
here!!!!!!
Rimmi: Get the hell out of my room or I'm calling the cops!
Cara: Okay. (leaves)
MTG etc.
#2303
Whoo hoo!
Date: 07/03/2002
From: Tork_110
2300!! Whoo!!
And I would like to dedicate that reply to my wife (outside the rp) Sunday.
(Please don't kill Nuveena. She had nothing to do with the spamming.)
#2304
I need you're help.
Date: 07/03/2002
From: Tork_110
I just wasted a post on the Duh, and now I need you guys to defend it for me.
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? (puppy dog eyes)
#2305
And by that, I mean "your"
Date: 07/03/2002
From: Tork_110
Oh, and I like Deathstalker (the episode, not the plehhy guy.)
<Lita orders another shake for Lita2780. what will happen next? Find out next time.>
#2306
HMPH!1!!
Date: 07/03/2002
From: Carmelita9000
.............................................................
I can't believe you guys spammed our beautiful rp/reply post, and you didn't even invite *me*!!11!1!! I'm so incredibly offended!!1!1!
<Lita spends the rest of the night crying noisily into her pillow>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Boy, you think you have friends who love you...
#2307
[Rimmi] So, how much have we made?
Date: 07/03/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Hot Telethon Action!>>>
[PM] Well, we've made a few thousand so far, but it's not looking good.
[Rimmi] Why, what's wrong?
[PM] Just look at the acts we're reduced to!
[He gestures out on stage, where Nick is in an Uncle Sam costume, dancing on stilts, while Tork plays the tuba and Deathstalker is playing the accordion.]
[Rimmi] YEESH. That *is* bad.
[PM] So bad that the total board is actually counting DOWN now. People are demanding their money back!
[Rimmi] Leave it to me. I'll turn this telethon around! [She runs onstage, brandishing Mr. Poiny McHappysackslasher. Tork and Deathstalker drop their instruments and run, and Nick trips as he runs offstage, toppling with an audible crash. The audience (yes, there's a small studio audience) cheers. Rimmi takes the microphone, which squeals a bit with feedback, and begins to speak.] Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to do something a little different now. A change of pace, a bit of musical sorbet to cleanse the pallete, as it were.
[PM, to Sam] What is she doing?
[Sam] Beats the hell out of me, Big Daddy.
[Rimmi] I've always been a fan of the classics, and so has my friend Sam here. [She motions to Sam, who after a moment gets that she's talking about him and joins her onstage.] With your indulgence, I'd like to perform a little number with Sam accompanying on piano. [She whispers something to him, and he smiles and nods.] Great then! Lights, please?
[The lights go down. A minute later, a spotlight shines down on a baby grand piano where Sam sits, now wearing a back tuxedo rather than his usual casual attire. Rimmi is wearing a slinky black evening dress, and is draped across the piano, holding a microphone. As Sam begins to play, she starts to sing.]
[Rimmi] o/` Never thought I'd fall o/`
o/` But now I hear the call o/`
o/` I'm getting sentimental over you o/`
o/` Things you say and do o/`
o/` Just thrill me through and through o/`
o/` I'm getting sentimental over you o/`
[She sits up and continues to sing provocatively. The audience seems to be really enjoying Rimmi's performance.]
o/` Once I wondered why o/`
o/` I'd sit at home and sigh o/`
o/` I'm getting sentimental over you o/`
[PM to Mrs. Mo, offstage.] My, she's quite good, isn't she?
[Mrs. Mo] SSHHH!
[Rimmi has gotten up and is schmoozing with the audience as she sings. They're really eating it up!] o/` I thought I was happy, I could live with myself o/`
o/` Now I see that love is all that I'm thinking of o/`
o/` Won't you please be kind o/`
o/` And just make up your mind o/`
o/` That you'll be sweet and gentle o/`
o/` Be gentle with me o/`
o/` 'Cause I'm getting sentimental over you o/`
[PM] Rimmi's amazing! The audience is putty in her hands!
[Lita comes up.] The phones are ringing off the hook! We might make our goal after all!
[Rimmi] o/` I thought I was happy, I could live with myself o/`
o/` Now I see that love is all that I'm thinking of o/`
o/` Won't you please be kind o/`
o/` And just make up your mind o/`
o/` That you'll be sweet and gentle o/`
o/` Be gentle with me o/`
o/` 'Cause I'm getting sentimental over you o/`
[The song finishes, and the crowd goes wild. Rimmi bows, and walks offstage. She stops by PM momentarily on her way back to her dressing room.] *There*. I've won them back for you. Don't screw it up again! [She exits.]
[PM] Cool! We're back on track! Nothing can go wrong now!
[Rick] Umm... boss? The George Bassman estate is on the line. They want a royalty payment for the performance of that song.
[PM] B-b-but... I thought it was public domain?
[Rick] Apparently not, boss.
[PM] DAMMIT!
TmPM
There's always a catch!
Sarcophagus!
#2308
GROPE's reunited... sorta...
Date: 07/03/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
(back at the rp, okay?)
(inside GROPE HQ)
Rimmi: So... Lita, you've been acting pretty strange lately.
Lita: Oh, it must be my new tie.
Rimmi: But you don't wear a tie.
Lita: It's... um... invisible.
Rimmi: Okay...
Mickey: (in a daze)Me like Lita.......... 's cookies.
EM: Wait, shut up everyone. What's that noise?
(a faint yelling can be heard from upstairs)
Lita: Oh that's just Servo The Granola.
EM: Still tied up, eh?
Lita: Yup, I guess.
Gramps: Have ye been rememberin' to feed da whippershnapper?
Lita: Yeah, I gave him a cookie a day ago.
(Upstairs)
STG: Someone help!!! I still have to go to the bathroom! I've had to go for three days! Food and water wouldn't hurt either... I hear you people down there! Stop ignoring me! I'm not Mistyboy!
(waits for a reaction)
STG: Hmmm... perhaps they went deaf. Okay then, I'll just have to take matters into my own hands! I'll call my animal friends to help me! (squints and thinks REALLY REALLY hard. A wave emits from his forehead in all directions.)
(Meanwhile at the track...)
Rex: Damn, we lost again! How much of STG's money do we have left?
Squecky: (shaking STG's wallet) None. And we also used up Mickey's too. How about we use Lita's or Evil Mike's next?
Rex: Let's use Lita's. I'm in the mood to irritate her.
(suddnely the waves hit them, and the message, "Help Servo The Great" is implanted into their brains)
Rex; What the!?
Squecky: Servo's in trouble?
Rex: Whelp, I don't really care, how about you?
Squecky: Let's do a few more races, then we'll help him.
(back at GROPE HQ)
STG: Oh, who am I kidding! Their not coming... I'll have to escape on my own!
(Fortunetly, the chair STG is tied to has wheels on it, and STG rolls himself down the hall)
STG: Must reach entrance...
(Suddenly around the corner Evil Mike appears)
EM: YOU! Why aren't you in a closet!?
STG: Um, gnomes?
EM: What?
STG: Um... TAKE THIS! (kicks EM's groin)
(STG begins to scoot away)
EM: (on the floor, curled up in pain) You won't get out of here alive! (hits a button, and it activates the new KILLOSAUR SECURITY SYSTEM!)
(Killosaurs are released from the walls, and chase STG down the hall)
STG: Killosaur? That's not a dinosaur!
EM: (explains through clenched teeth) PM made 'em for us.
STG: Oh, well... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
(STG scoots himself so quickly that he rockets himself right out slanted Earth Clam Entrance, and flies through the air, and crashes 20 feet away)
STG: Oh, my spine... Well, I'm out. So... now what? I must find out what's wrong with Lita. There was something strange about her... knees...(just like Tork, right?)
ServoTheGreat
Vertigotahell
#2309
<Lita8714 shows up at the rp post>
Date: 07/06/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<She's wearing overalls, and is carrying a tool box. There is a red handkerchief hanging out of her back pocket. She grabs her trusty duct-tape roll>
8714: *smile* Don't mind me. Just doing some needed rp continuity maintenance. I'll be out of your hair in a minute.
<Carmelita8714 tapes this reply just in front of STG's reply 2308.>
8714: There! That should fix that darn broken continuity right up! Toodles!
<8714 leaves>
***********************************************************
<STG is tied to a chair near the kitchen in Diabolik's lair. Carmelita3000 is busy making more cookies. Mickey is nearby, staring expectantly.>
Mickey: How much longer until you'll have more cookies?
3000: <Putting some in the oven> About 10 minutes--
Mickey: I can't wait! You're so cool, Lita! You're the best cook in the world! And the most beautiful... and intelligent...
3000: Go on... <she secretly hates Mickey, of course, she's only using him for her own evil purposes, but she loves flattery>
Mickey: Winsome, charming, friendly, level headed--
STG: I want cookies! I want cookies! I want cookies!
3000: I heard you the first--
STG: Those cookies were good! I want more cookies! I want cookies! I want cookies! I want cookies!
3000: They're in the oven. Now if you'll just wait until they're done--
STG: I want cookies! I want cookies! I want cookies!
3000: You're interrupting Mickey, and that's rude! Shut up or you won't get any!!1!!
STG: No! You have to give me cookies! I want cookies! I want cookies! I want cookies!
3000: That's it.
<Carmelita9000 grabs the back of STG's chair, and drags him out of the room and up some stairs.>
3000: You can just stay here and quit bugging me, you annoying little--
STG: No cookies?
3000: You don't deserve cookies!
STG: But I want cookies!!11!1!1!
3000: <as she walks away,> Now, Mickey! What was that you were saying?
STG: Your sweatband is ugly!!1111! Shoot. I wanted cookies. Mmmmm... cookies... <STG's eyes glaze over and he drools slightly as he dreams about cookies.>
***
<Rimmi and Evil Mike are standing outside GROPE HQ. Evil Mike has been trying to get Rimmi to smooch him, but she's refused.>
Rimmi: Really, Evil Mike. I said no. I really think you could be more mature about it. Besides, we've got more important things to worry about. Like Lita, for examp--
EM: Yeah! That stupid Mickey is getting all touchy feely with my girlfriend! I'm going to go in there and kick his girlfriend stealing ass!!
Rimmi: Are you sure that's a good idea? What if Lita snaps?
EM: That might be cool!
<Rimmer glares at Evil Mike>
EM: I can handle Lita. If there's one think I'm good at, it's handling Lita. <Evil Mike grins> I remember this one time, she and I were at MSTBlanca, and--
Rimmi: I don't want to hear this...
EM: Sure you do! It'll probably turn you on! So anyway--
Rimmi: Shut up, Evil Mike. Don't make me use my sword.
EM: Gah! I'll be quiet!
Rimmi: As much as I hate to admit it, we probably should go inside. We need to keep an eye on Lita. We've got to see if there's anything wrong with her. Then again, who knows? Maybe she really is feeling better. There's only one way to find out, and we can't just stand around out here forever...
<Reluctantly, Rimmer and Evil Mike enter Diabolik's lair to see what Lita's up to.>
***********************************************************
<Carmelita8714 returns.>
8714: I'm sorry to interrupt again, but there is an issue involving some rogue Killosaurs that, for insurance reasons, I simply must resolve.
<Carmelita8714 pulls out a clipboard, and flips through a few pages>
8714: It seems that Evil Mike released some inside GROPE HQ, claiming that a certain Mr. Pharaoh Mobius made them for GROPE. This of course raises a big question. Why would Pharaoh Mobius make a killer dinosaur/cyborg, clearly a powerful weapon, for a group of people who spend the better part of their time trying to cause him harm? I have spoken to Evil Mike, along with a few other GROPE Members, and they shed some light on this question. Apparently, Pharaoh Mobius *did* make the killosaurs for GROPE, he just didn't know it was for them at the time. To put it another way, GROPE stole the killosaurs before he could make use of them, and Rimmer reprogrammed them. I hope that clears matters up.
<Carmelita8714 smiles again, and leaves>
***********************************************************
And *THAT'S* how you make a Duct Tape Reply!!
(I'm sorry. It just might suck, actually. I can't tell. It's late. I'm sleepy. :oÞ)
Oh yes. 8714 appeared outside rp continuity, of course. She's not actually at Diabolik's lair or anything. Just making sure you know. :o)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
You mean to tell me you've never met 8714?
She's very good at repair work and carpentry and stuff!
She can fix anything!
#2310
2780: You threw my milkshake!
Date: 07/06/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Lita: Callmm down... I ordrrd you anottther *hic* one...
PM: You *threw* her milkshake in my *face*! <Rick hands him a towel> Thank you.
Lita: You desssserved it!11!! Thasss what I thhhink of you annnn your ssssshaying yyou'll helllp me with Threethoussshan...
42: Lita, you said you wanted him to help you.
Lita: I did?
42: Yeah. I was against it, but you said to let him help.
Lita: Whhhy did I do thha?
42: Damned if I know...
Lita: Welllll I'm sssssssshure I kneww whaddI warrs doin.... <She starts whispering to 42, but doesn't realize that she's whispering so loudly that everybody can hear her.> Yyou mmmay nnot reallishh.... 'caussse I holld my li-*hic* my li-*hic* my alcohol ssssho well.... but I ammmm *drunk*!!
42: No kidding?
Lita: I wassssh prolly mmore ssshober wwwhen.... b-b-beffore...
42: When you agreed to let PM help us?
Lita: Yyyeah...
42: <mumbling to herself> Not by much...
Lita: <She grabs PM's hand and shakes it> Wwwwelcommme abboard, Phfhaaafhlfoohoo... I'm ssshhure you'll lllove bbeing an hhhononorarrary mmember of GROPE...
PM: Hey, wait--
42: Lita! You can't let him join GROPE!!1!
Lita: Whhy not? You ssshaid I wanned him too... An I thhhink he'd be helpf--
PM: I can't join GROPE...
Lita: <Looking at PM suspiciously> Whhy nnot? Losss of ppeolple wanna be in GROPE... Iss a ffun club--
PM: You didn't say anything about joining your little club! You said you wanted me to help you with 3000--
Lita: <suddenly getting all teary eyed> Thaat bisssh... Shee took everrthing!! Mmy hhome... mmy frriendshh... mmy c-carr... *sniff*
42: You still have your car.
Lita: My resshpectalibity...
2780: My kitty! But 42 got her back for me!
Lita: My frriendshh...
42: You already said your friends--
6969: Don't forget about your boyfriend, Sweetie.
Lita: *gulp* Evvil Mmmike...
42: Why did you remind her of that?
6969: Sorry. I was just trying to help.
Lita: o/` When I wassh young, o/`
42: Oh no... Lita, don't do this.
Lita: o/` I never needed anyone... o/`
42: Lita, I hate this song...
Lita: o/` And makin' love wassh juss for fun... o/`
42: *You* hate this song!
Lita: o/` Those dayysh are done... o/`
42: When it comes on the radio you practically break your fingers trying to change the station!
Lita: o/` Aalll by myssshelllf... o/`
42: You'll really regret this when you sober up. You're gonna feel like such an ass--
Lita: o/` Donn wanna be, all by myssshelllf... o/`
42: Please stop.
Lita: o/` Anymmo--
<42 puts her hand over Lita's mouth. She needn't have bothered. Lita doesn't know any more of the song. She never managed to listen any farther than this poin.>
Everybody besides Lita or 42: Thank you!
42: All right, PM. You're the big deal pulp villain with the big ideas--
2780: And the neat hat!
42: ...yes... and the neat hat--
6969: And the gorgeous rippling manly chest muscles!
<PM colors a little>
42: I'm not going to say that.
6969: You don't need to. I already did. <She winks at PM>
42: Anyway. What's your plan?
PM: My plan?
42: Yes! What's your plan to get rid of 3000?
PM: Well, I really hadn't thought of a plan, as yet--
Lita: Thhenn what good are ya?
42: I've been wondering that for some time now...
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
thinks you can safely call this post a stream of consciousness.
How's this for plot advancing, huh? ;oÞ
#2311
Can't think of title, but read anyway.
Date: 07/06/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
STG: Where the hell are those two? Forget it... That's what you get for having sidekicks you can get at Petco... Oh well, I have an idea! Something is wrong with Lita, cause I can't ever remember her serving drugged cookies... Though I haven't been around long enough to see otherwise, but I guess it never happened...
(STG stands there for a moment thinking)
2 hours later
STG: Wait, what was I thinking about? Oh yeah, get into GROPE, and find out what's going on. And this time I have a pretty good plan to do it! I'll disguise myself as one of the Lita clones!
(STG scoots his chair all the way to a local department store, where some people there help him out of the chair, and he purchases a Lita dress, and wig)
(Back at the entrance of GROPE HQ)
STG: Hopefully I won’t be busted in less than 15 seconds this time…
(STG enters GROPE HQ, in the crappy Lita disguise. Rimmi and Gramps are trying to stuff the Killosaurs back into the wall-mounted cages.(if you ever wondered what a Killosaur looks like, just think of one of those Godzilla babies from the American Godzilla movie)
Gramps: Why do we even keep these? These iguanas eat more food than JDB!
Rimmi: Yeah, but they sure do a good job of keeping out STG. Did ya see him run?
Gramps: Yeah. Hey they’re getting all jumpy again! Oh, look, a Lita is back… Looks funny though…
Rimmi: Which Lita are you? You do look a little weird.
STG: (trying to imitate a feminine voice) I’m Lita… 10 billion or something… Anywho, I’m just a little ill…
(Evil Mike, who can tell it’s not Lita, or at least one of clones, steps in)
EM: Um, Lita? Follow me to the closet.
STG: (thinking) AAAAAA!!! He’s making some sorta pass at me! I must really be convincing, but still AAAAAAAAA!!!
(in the closet)
STG: Um, Mike, I gotta go, and feed, the, um, rabid monkey…
EM: Knock it off you imposter.
STG: (thinking) PANIC!!! BATTLE STATIONS!!! (speaking) Oh, whatever do you mean?
(EM rips of the wig)
STG: AAAAAA!!! You tore out my hair!
EM: ACK! You’re Servo The Crossdresser!
STG: Um, it’s not what it looks like….
EM: Servo, I’ve lived a full life, and in it I’ve seen some pretty weird and disturbing things. But this… THIS… This is just… (squints eyes and lowers voice) Siiiiiiiiiiiiccckkkkk!
STG: Can I explain?
EM: Hmmm, NO!
(Throws STG out of the closet)
STG: Ow! Wait… I’m still inside. Usually I just get thrown completely out of this place.
EM. That’s gonna be these guys job this time. (hits the button again, and the Killosaurs chase STG out)
STG: (now outside) Stupid GROPE! Fine then, let that dumb head weird Lita drug their food. I don’t care anymore. I’m gonna go get a drink. Where the hell is MSTblanca anyway?
(Back inside)
Mickey: Does that guy EVER give up?
Gramps: Crossdressing? How weird can you get?
Rimmi: Ahem, Gramps
Gramps: What?
Rimmi: You know…
Gramps: What?
Rimmi: Let the person without sin cast the first stone.
Gramps: What the hell are you talking about?
Rimmi: Ah, forget it…
EM: Whatever, at least the weirdo’s gone.
(3000 enters the room)
3000: Who wants cookies? (holding a new platter of cookies, but Mickey pounces it, and eats them all AGAIN, before anyone else can get them) DAMMIT, MICKEY!!!
ServoTheGreat
You… you… ANTEATER!!!
#2312
Rimmi: Oh, this is just disgusting
Date: 07/07/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
Gramps: I'll say. Eat with your mouth closed Mickey!
Rimmi: No, I mean the way Mickey has been acting around Lita.
Gramps: Oh what's wrong, do you miss Cara?
Rimmi: Oh, you're going to pay for that old man.
(meanwhile...)
Mickey: You did it again, Lita! In fact, these cookies, dare I say, are even better than the last ones!
Lita: I'm always seeking perfection.
Mickey: Yeah, you always ar...huh?
Lita: I mean, in baking...yeah! In baking.
Mickey: Really? You usually panic when someone has cake!
Lita: Er....I'm going to make more cookies.....
Mickey: And why the headband? It must be a zillion degrees in that kitchen when the oven is on..
(Lita slams the kitchen door on her way in)
Mickey: Well sor-RY for asking!
(meanwhile...)
(Tork has been lost in the woods for several days now)
Tork: Eeeek! Bears!!!!!! What do I do, what do I do? I.....wait, I speak their language. Maybe they can give me directions.
(Tork walks up to the bears and begins to speak)
Tork: *ahem* Grrrr.....roar...grrrr.... ?
(The bears stare at Tork)
Tork: (nervous laugh and starts to slowly back away, and backs into a bear who was standing behind him) This can't be good.....
(The bears pick up Tork and start to carry him to their cave)
Tork: C'mon guys. You don't want to eat me!
(The bears drop him on a pile of rocks in the corner.)
Tork: *gulp*
(Another bear walks up to Tork.....and ties a bonnet to his head and gives him a bottle and a rattle)
Tork: Oh geez........
The Bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
Thought the rp wasn't surreal enough.
#2313
[Tork] Dah! Stupid bears!
Date: 07/08/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Growl Mode>>>
[Tork] Stuck me in a stupid baby bear play pen! And any time I try to get out, they growl at me and chase me back in! Oh well, at least this stuffed woodchuck toy they gave me is nice and soft... [He snuggles up to the "toy". Suddenly, he sniffs it and gags, then throws it away from him. He holds his nose.] Phew! Oh, disgusting...
[Meanwhile, back in the Helicarrier...]
[PM] Uh... aheheheh... a plan, huh? Plan... plan... Plan! Oh yeah! I've got the plan to end all plans! Wait'll you get a load of this pla--
[We interrupt this RP to bring you a test of the Emergency Response System. This is only a test.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
This has been a test of the Emergency Response System. If this had been an actual emergency, the tone you heard would have been followed by news bulletins, and some other crazy crap. We now return you to your regularly scheduled RP.]
[PM] --which of course leaves Carmelita3000 captured, right where we want her. Brilliant, huh?
[Lita] The HELELL?!?
[Lita42] You're not fooling anyone, you know. We can tell you got Nabut to make that fake announcement to cover up the fact that you don't have a plan.
[PM] Oh, poopie.
[Lita42] Why don't you just admit you don't know what you're doing, and drop us off so we can actually do something constructive about the situation?
[PM] Wait, I think I've got an idea. A *real* idea. What is it that Lita, *all* Litas, hate more than anything?
[Lita6969] That stupid "All By Myself" song?
[PM] Besides that.
[Lita42] The Riddler?
[PM] And that.
[Lita2780] That stinky Hamburglar man?
[PM] Good try, but no.
[Lita, clutching her head.] A hangover?
[PM] NO!
[Lita] OW! Ssshutup, you basshtard!
[PM] Here, take this. It's a soberizer pill. It'll counteract the alcohol in your system, and get rid of your hangover.
[Lita42, impatient.] Would you just tell us your idea, already?
[PM] Okay. One thing that all of you Litas hate more than anything in the world is when I hijack one of your plots, right?
[Lita42] Yes, there is that.
[Lita] Oh YEAH! Like my Super Mom, when you made it into a stupid spanking machine!
[PM] Exactly, that really cheesed you off, didn't it?
[Lita] You're damn right it did, moth--
[Lita42 covers Lita's mouth, and Lita6969 covers LIta2780's ears. Lita looks over at 2780, and realizes she almost swore in front of her sweet, innocent clone.]
[Lita shoots PM a scathing look.] You *moth*, you!
[PM] Okay, okay, I'm sorry about the spanking machine. I've only apologized for that like a thousand times. Anyway, thanks to the surveilance cameras I had installed in those killosaurs you hijacked from me, I've been keeping tabs on what Lita3000's been doing back at GROPE headquarters. She's recycled yet another plot from Vampire Based Programming.
[Lita42] Oh yeah, that's surprising.
[Lita] Which one? Did she get Sunshine to make a wish and use her vengeance demon powers to trap everyone in Diabolik's cave?
[Lita42] Sunshine's dead, remember?
[Lita] Oh, yeah.
[Lita42] And 3000 doesn't have vengeance demon powers.
[Lita] I know a certain clone who needs to SHUT IT!
[Lita42] Oh, all right. [Under her breath.] Bitch.
[Lita] And don't you forget it.
[PM] No, Lita3000 made drugged cookies in order to hypnotize everyone into liking her. The only thing that's stopping her from succeeding is that Mickey keeps eatig all of the cookies before anyone else can eat them.
[Lita] That little hag! I'll get her for this!
[Lita6969] I didn't know you cared about your friends so much, sweetie.
[Lita] No, it's not that. It's just that that was a good episode, and I wanted to be the one to ste-- that is, *be inspired by* it.
[Lita42] Okay, so we know what 3000 is doing. How are you going to hijack the plot away from her?
[PM] Oh, don't you worry. My counter-plan is already in motion...
[Lita] How is that possible? You only just thought it up!
[PM] As a master criminal, I get narrative fiat once per major plot arc. Here, look in the rulebook! [Shows Lita a copy of a book titled "TFtD: the RPG".]
[Lita] Hey, it *does* say that. Heh! Lookit this! It also says master criminals get Megalomania and Incompetent Henchmen!
[PM takes the book away from Lita.] Gimme that! Yeah, you have to take the drawbacks to balance out the advantages, otherwise it's an unbalanced character kit. Eh, that's the way the 20-sided rolls.
[Lita42] Whatever.
[Meanwhile, back at Diabolik's lair...]
[Mickey] Oh, I hope Lita gets those cookies done soon! They're the best cookies I've ever had! Lita's such a great cook! And she's nice, and wonderful, and friendly, and oh, those *knees*! [Looks out the window.] What's this? "Grandma Mo's Home-cookin' Kitchen"? When did that place open up? Oooh! All you can eat soup! I'm *so* there! [He runs for the exit.]
TmPM
The plot thickens. Someone must have added flour.
Sarcophagus!
#2314
Ooops!!!1! ^_^;;
Date: 07/08/2002
From: PMs_Big_Rig
Sorry about that! Ummm... Sam backed over that reply in the Rig, and it got all flattened out! Yeah, that's it!
[Sam] You turkey.
[PM] Quiet, you.
TmPM
S!
#2315
...Dammit!!
Date: 07/08/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
That better not be the new Bboard system I've been hearing about.
MTG etc
#2316
Lita: Ok, PM! What now?
Date: 07/09/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
PM: Huh?
Lita: Well, there's the soup kitchen and all that crap. Then what? I mean, how does this make 3000 stop stealing my identity?
PM: Patience, patience!
<Everybody sits around for a while. 2780 pets Kitty. 6969 winks at Rick and give him a little wave. 42 drums her fingers on the bar. Crickets chirp. Some guy wanders through, tips his derby hat at the assembled group, then leaves.>
Lita: ...
PM: <smiles>
Lita: SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW???!!
PM: Ok! Ok! So, like I said before, this whole plan is based on the simple premise that you Litas *hate* it when I hijack your plotlines!
Lita: Yeah, that was a really crappy thing to do.
PM: I know, so anyway--
6969: You tried to get me *married* for heaven's sake!!
Rick: No way!
6969: Yeah! But then my fiancé died.
Rick: <not doing a very good job of sounding like he means it> Oh, how unfortunate!
6969: I'm over it. So, what are you doing later? <she continues to make small talk with Rick>
PM: Ok! I'm sorry about that! Geez! Anyway, as I was saying, you guys hate it when I mess up your plans by stealing your plotlines! So what I have here is this thing!
<PM pulls out a box. There's a flashing button on the side.>
2780: Ooooh! Pretty!!
42: What is it?
PM: My most ingenious invention yet! It's a--
Lita: It's a Pharaoh Mobius is a Dork Machine!!
PM: What? No! And it's not nice to interrupt!
Lita: Yeah it is! Watch! <she reaches for the box>
PM: No! Not yet!
<Before PM can stop her, Lita jabs the button. PM turns his face away, as if expecting the box to explode. But what happens is, the top flips up, and a gloved hand on a spring pops out. It poins at Pharaoh Mobius. There's a sign sticking out of the top that simply reads "Dork".>
PM: The hell?
<All the Litas burst into laughter.>
PM: Oh, I get it.
<PM turns the box all around looking at it, but no matter which way he turns it, the hand sticking out of the top continues to poin right at him.>
PM: <clearly annoyed> Oh, yes. I hijack your plot a couple times, and suddenly it'll be sooooooo funny to do it to me. Ha ha.
<The Litas are falling all over each other laughing. Even Rick chuckles a little, in spite of himself.>
PM: ...some way to treat a guy who's trying to help you... <He throws the box across the room. It continues to poin at him. The sign continues to say "Dork".>
Litas: <in tears> HA HA HA HAHA HAHA HA HAHAHAHAHA HA HAHAHA HAHAHAA!!11!!
PM: Yeah! Just laugh! (Hmph! Litas!)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Well, *I* think it's funny...
#2317
Lita: Ok, PM! What now?
Date: 07/09/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
PM: Huh?
Lita: Well, there's the soup kitchen and all that crap. Then what? I mean, how does this make 3000 stop stealing my identity?
PM: Patience, patience!
<Everybody sits around for a while. 2780 pets Kitty. 6969 winks at Rick and give him a little wave. 42 drums her fingers on the bar. Crickets chirp. Some guy wanders through, tips his derby hat at the assembled group, then leaves.>
Lita: ...
PM: <smiles>
Lita: SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW???!!
PM: Ok! Ok! So, like I said before, this whole plan is based on the simple premise that you Litas *hate* it when I hijack your plotlines!
Lita: Yeah, that was a really crappy thing to do.
PM: I know, so anyway--
6969: You tried to get me *married* for heaven's sake!!
Rick: No way!
6969: Yeah! But then my fiancé died.
Rick: <not doing a very good job of sounding like he means it> Oh, how unfortunate!
6969: I'm over it. So, what are you doing later? <she continues to make small talk with Rick>
PM: Ok! I'm sorry about that! Geez! Anyway, as I was saying, you guys hate it when I mess up your plans by stealing your plotlines! So what I have here is this thing!
<PM pulls out a box. There's a flashing button on the side.>
2780: Ooooh! Pretty!!
42: What is it?
PM: My most ingenious invention yet! It's a--
Lita: It's a Pharaoh Mobius is a Dork Machine!!
PM: What? No! And it's not nice to interrupt!
Lita: Yeah it is! Watch! <she reaches for the box>
PM: No! Not yet!
<Before PM can stop her, Lita jabs the button. PM turns his face away, as if expecting the box to explode. But what happens is, the top flips up, and a gloved hand on a spring pops out. It poins at Pharaoh Mobius. There's a sign sticking out of the top that simply reads "Dork".>
PM: The hell?
<All the Litas burst into laughter.>
PM: Oh, I get it.
<PM turns the box all around looking at it, but no matter which way he turns it, the hand sticking out of the top continues to poin right at him.>
PM: <clearly annoyed> Oh, yes. I hijack your plot a couple times, and suddenly it'll be sooooooo funny to do it to me. Ha ha.
<The Litas are falling all over each other laughing. Even Rick chuckles a little, in spite of himself.>
PM: ...some way to treat a guy who's trying to help you... <He throws the box across the room. It continues to poin at him. The sign continues to say "Dork".>
Litas: <in tears> HA HA HA HAHA HAHA HA HAHAHAHAHA HA HAHAHA HAHAHAA!!11!!
PM: Yeah! Just laugh! (Hmph! Litas!)
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Well, *I* think it's funny...
#2318
So nice, I posted it twice! ;oÞ n/t
Date: 07/09/2002
From: Carmelita9000
.............................................................
#2319
{Just passing by}
Date: 07/09/2002
From: BAND_OF_GYPSYS
Dr. Z is comming back!
#2320
[PM] Oh yeah, laugh it up.
Date: 07/10/2002
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Har Dee Har Har Mode>>>
[Rick and the Litas are still laughing at the machine that is poining at PM.]
[PM] Fine then! You don't want my help, you don't get my help! I was *going* to use the antidote in the restaurant's food to clear everyone's head, and then use my Infratronic Genetic Identifyer to irrefutably reveal Lita3000's identity, but you can forget it now!
[They're still laughing.]
[PM] Oh, that does it. [He pushes a few buttons on his remote control thingie, and the Helicarrier lands. He then orders a bunch of shocktroopers to forcibly make the Litas and Spidey disembark. Then, he orders the Helicarrier to lift off.]
[Lita] You jerk! You can't just strand us in the middle of nowhere!
[PM] It's the middle of Kansas, actually. And I can *so* do this. It's my helicopter!
[Lita] But, how am I supposed to stop 3000 from stealing my identity?
[PM] Damned if I know, damned if I care. So long, suckers! [The hatch closes and the Helicarrier takes off.]
[PM goes back to the bar. He sees the device still poining at him, so he draws a zap pistol and blows it up.]
[PM] Rick, serve me up a belt of 'Shark. Eh, make it a double. [He notices Rick is still snickering to himself.] And quit that lauging, or I'll transmogrify you into an anteater.
[Rick] All right, I'm stopping. No need to be so nasty about it.
[PM] Like hell there isn't! I'm the damn villain of this RP, and it's damn well time I started acting like it!
[Rick] And part of that is saying "damn" a lot?
[PM] Damn right!
[Meanwhile, outside Diabolik's hideout, Mickey is getting kicked out of "Grandma Mo's".]
[Shocktrooper in waitress disguise] And stay out!
[Mickey] But I wasn't done yet!
[Shocktrooper in waitress disguise] Yes you were! We're closed! Forever!
[Mickey] I was promised "all you can eat soup", and I didn't have all I could eat!
[Shocktrooper in waitress disguise] You had fifteen bowls!
[Mickey] Like I said, I didn't have all I could eat! I'm gonna sue for false advertisement!
[Shocktrooper in waitress disguise snickers.] Yeah, you do that, kid. [He slams the door.]
[The restaurant vanishes in a flash of light.]
[Mickey] You know what? I think I will. But first... there was something else. What was it? Oh yeah, something wasn't right about Lita's knees. I think something fishy is going on, and I'm going to find out what it is...
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
#2321
Mickey: (falls into Tork's room)
Date: 07/10/2002
From: MickeyTheGardener
I hate crawling through air vents!
(Dusts himself off)
Mickey: Now, let's see.....(picks up an inflatable raft that's oddly shaped like a certain singing, dancing car-hawking chantreuse) What is thi....GAH!!!! Tork! *shudder*
(Door opens)
Rimmi: Tork, you back yet?
Mickey: (Hiding behind the door, which is unfortunate because Rimmi opened it all the way and Mickey slammed his face againdst the wall) Er, yeah....poin!
Rimmi: Sunday's on the phone. She says she wants to play "Hide the Helmet" with you, whatever that means.
Mickey: GA...I mean, uh.....Nuveena!
Rimmi: Are you feeling ok?
Mickey: Lita's knees!
Rimmi: OK..........I'll tell her your busy. (closes door)
Mickey: ....ow. (Faints, but quickly regains conciousness) Bingo!!!
(Opens a photo album labled "Photo Album")
Mickey: That perv....73 pictures of Lita's knees. Aha!
(Meanwhile....)
Tork: Isn't anyone going to save me? Hello?
The bespectacled Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
Post Narc x3
It's uncanny how much me and Tork sound a like!
#2322
As the helecarrier takes off...
Date: 07/10/2002
From: ServoTheGreat
Hanging on the side of it, is STG! He wants a drink real bad!
STG: Must... get... drink... (Hanging on, right next to the side door)
(At that moment Nabut opens it)
Nabut: Oh, I need some fresh air... What the? Who are who?
STG: You're worst nightmare! (STG tackles Nabut back into the hellicarrier)
Nabut: Aaaa!
(Nabut is getting up, while STG grabs a tire iron from a near by tool chest)
Nabut: Alright, prepare to die!... Where'd you go?
(From behind STG hits Nabut in the back of the head with the tire iron)
Nabut: Ow, my brain!
STG: And take this! (Hits Nabut in the stomach)
Nabut: Oofa! (bent over)
(STG then hits him over the head again, and Nabut collapses)
STG: Gee, that was violent... But I'm not done yet...
(kicks open the entrance to MSTBlanca in the hellicarrier)
Rick: The hell? Who are you?
PM: Whoever you are, we're closed. Get out!
STG: AAAAAAAAAAAAA, stop rejecting me! (Picks up chair, and throws it at PM)
PM: AAAAA, he's crazy-- OW!(Knocked off stool)
Rick: Stop right there! (grabs one of those drink spraying gun things on the counter, and blasts STG with OKS)
PM: Don't waste it, Rick! Old Kentucky Shark doesn't grow off of trees!
STG: *glub*glub*glub*
Rick: It worked! The alcohol has slowed his reflexes, and dulled his brain!
PM: Quick tie him up!
STG: (awakens a few minutes later) Huh... Oh crap, I'm tied to another chair...
(Looks around, and sees he's surrounded by PM, Rick, a heavily bandaged Nabut, and many Shocktroopers.)
STG: Um, hello?
PM: Okay, what was that all about?
STG: Oh, I was just mad... at GROPE. They won't let me in...
PM: Oh, they just made me a member... kind of...
STG: WHAT!? They said they had no more room! That's it! I've had it with GROPE! I don't need to take this! I was the Dictator once...
Rick: Too bad your incompetence impeached you.
STG: Shut up, Romero.
Nabut: Hey, why'd you hit me?
STG: I wanted a drink, and I was mad, and you where in my way!
PM: I see. Okay, Nabut throw him out the back of the helicarrier, and we'll continue back to MSTBlanca's original location.
STG: What?
At the back of the ship
(Rick hits a button, and the big backloading door opens)
STG: You don't want to do this!
Nabut: Why not?
STG: Cause, um... I'm your father?
Nabut: Look, you may think just cause I'm a henchman, I'm dumb. Well, I'm not. I am SO sick of that stereotype.
STG: Okay.. you don't wanna throw me out, cause... I know the location of buried treasure, maybe...
Rick: Just throw him out, Nabut!
(Nabut picks up the chair STG is in, and throws him out)
STG: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Is this the end of STG? Tune into the next Reply to find out!
ServoTheGreat
Everyone goes to The Place... ya know, when they have to GO!
#2323
<The Litas watch the helicarrier leave>
Date: 07/10/2002
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Lita: Ok. Overreacting much?
6969: Shoot! I had a date with that cute bartender, and how am I gonna make it if I'm stuck in the middle of this stupid cornfield, and he's all flying around in that stupid helicarrier?
Lita: I'm sure you can find another date...
42: We should have figured Blowbius couldn't take a joke. Not having a sense of humor is one of the first signs of dorkiness.
Lita: And now we're in Kansas. We've only been here for like three seconds and already I'm bored out of my mind. What a jerk.
6969: Oh, the pharaoh's a nice guy once you get to know him. You guys didn't have to go and laugh at him after he agreed to help you.
42: Oh, don't pretend you weren't laughing too! I saw you!
6969: Well, it was funny...
42: It sure was...
Lita: Did you guys see the look on his face?? I so wish I'd brought my camera!!
<The four Litas all start laughing again. 2780 laughs too, even though she still doesn't know what's so funny. It's just fun to laugh! Presently...>
Lita: <Brushing a tear from her eye> Heh heh... Ohh... Yeah. That was great. But funtime's over. Now we have to concentrate on getting back to Diabolik's Lair so we can kick the snot out of 3000.
6969: How are we going to do that?
Lita: I'm not sure...
42: Well, there's four of us against one, I'm sure we can take her.
Lita: Three against one. 2780 isn't getting involved in any violence. She can go watch cartoons on Diabolik's TV until the tail-kicking is over.
2780: Yay cartoons! Can I watch The Last Unicorn?
Lita: Sure.
2780: Yay! That's Kitty's favorite! Unicorns are pretty!!
42: <getting back to the subject> If we can convince the rest of GROPE that you're the real Lita, though, it shouldn't be too hard.
Lita: That's true. Unless...
42: Unless?
Lita: Unless... after all this time... *sniff* They like her more!!1!!
42 & 6969: Awwwwwwww....
6969: No way would they like her more, Hon! You're a sweetheart!
42: 6969's absolutely right, 9000! 3000 isn't worth a third of you!
Lita: *sniff* Really?
42 & 6969: Yeah!
<There's a truly touching group hug. And I'm not just saying that because 6969 is involved.>
Lita: All right, everybody. Into Spidey. We're heading back to GROPE HQ to straighten this all out!
42, 6969, & 2780: Yay!! <The three of them climb in>
Lita: <to herself> And once that's done, we're gonna make PM pay for ditching us Litas out in the middle of nowhere when we needed his help. Pleh on him!!11
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
found out that it's supposed to get to
116 degrees where she lives today and tomorrow.
That's insane!!1!
#2324
<Three days later>
Date: 07/11/2002
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Lita: We're almost back to GROPE HQ! Finally! And we can take care of this stupid 3000 business once and for all!
42: How are we gonna do that?
6969: It shouldn't be too hard. If we all tell GROPE that 9000 here is the real 9000, They should believe us.
42: Are you sure? I mean, it's easy for us three to tell the difference between 3000 and 9000, we're Litas! But it's harder for other people... they think we all look the same.
2780: We do look all the same!
<Everybody smiles at 2780 as if to say, "That's nice dear, but you don't know what you're talking about, now let the grownups talk." 2780 doesn't catch all that, she just knows people are smiling at her. She grins back and talks to Kitty.>
Lita: Thing is... 3000 *doesn't* look exactly like the rest of us. I remember the last time we met...
42: You mean the last time before she just now threw you out of GROPE.
Lita: Yeah. Then. It was during the great BBoard War of 2001. <Flashback special effects appear>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lita: Hey PM! I'd like to ask you something! Why do you keep calling me Carmelita3000? I'm 9000! Unless.... One of my clones is stealing my identity again...
<Lita9000 turns around. A rather sheepish looking clone is standing right behind her, dressed in her clothes>
Lita: 3000! Get over here, bitch! It's time to find out what happens to clones who don't know their place!
<9000 starts pummeling 3000. Evil Mike, used to the drill, hands her a needle and some ink. When she's done, 3000 has a black eye, significantly less hair, and a big green "3000" tattooed across her forehead.>
Lita: There. Now nobody will have any trouble telling us apart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lita: And ever since then, she's had that 3000 tattoo.
42: That was violent.
6969: But I didn't see the tattoo when we saw her at Diabolik's lair!
Lita: No! And neither did I! She must be... disguising it somehow...
<Everybody looks dejected.>
6969: Look... we don't know how the heck she managed to hide her tattoo from everybody... But even so... 9000, you are one unique person! There's nobody like you!
42: Nobody.
6969: I'm sure we can make your friends see that! You can prove you're you! What's something you can do that the rest of GROPE knows you can do that there's no way that 3000 could do?
Lita: Er...
42: Or... What's something about you that you know and GROPE knows you know that 3000 doesn't know?
Lita: Uh...
6969: Anything at all?
Lita: I think we just might be screwed...
2780: I want juice!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
gives special thanks to Mickey, who won the
"Give the Reply a Punchline" Contest
by telling me what 2780 would say.
Tork's suggestion just wasn't up to scratch.
Next up: The conclusion to the 3000 arc
Back to Lita3000, part 1
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